This happened a couple of weeks ago and the shame of it all limited me to telling only a couple of close confidants. But now that the shock of it all has worn off a little, I find myself with a vengeance. I am blogging this incident so that you, whoever you are, can feel assured that you will never yourself behave with such nastiness.
I WITNESSED GROPAGE ON MY MORNING TRAIN!!! Slash I was almost a part of it.
Two lovers get on the train- he’s approximately 15 years older than she is, both are dressed very smart. If it weren’t for the fact that they were obviously lovers, I would have guessed they were siamese twins because they were all up in each others business. I am trying my hardest to be engrossed in my book- Jane Eyre. But lo and behold these lovers sit directly opposite me in the tight booth. Our knees are pressed against one anothers.
The lovers start making out hard core and then before you know it,  h e r   h a n d   i s   o n   h i s   c r o t c h. By this time I am furiously trying to read one sentence of my book for the umpteenth time, trying not to by a creeper peeper but they are practically sitting on my lap. How am I supposed to concentrate on Jane and Rochester’s first meeting?? Why would these strangers behave thusly in front of me?? Have they NO SHAME?
They keep at it, breaking away for breath every now and then, and to whisper some sordid german pleasantries to one another. And I swear all of a sudden the only words I see on the pages of Charlotte Bronte’s innocent masterpiece are RUDE WORDS- I’m not making it up. The words INTERCOURSE, SEX and ORAL pop out as if they left the pages and are floating luminously in front of my nose. It’s impossible, but it’s ridiculously true. I’m humiliated.
All I can think of is the possibility that I somehow managed to acheive something scientists dream of- am I invisible? Or are the lovers ghosts that no one else can see? But no, their noises and their knees (which continue to bump into mine) suggest that they are in fact real.
Needless to say I was grateful when the train pulled into my station and I hauled A out of aphrodite’s lair.


  1. You obviously have never been in love. when two people are lost in each others love. their passion for one another is all that matter to them.

    1. I very much doubt that even the largest amount of love could induce me to get saucey like that on public transport!

      1. Uh I seem to remember a certain air travel story of yours Holl…

      2. HAA, woah there. that’s enough of that Rach.

  2. Rachael · · Reply

    Something about a pot and calling it black…

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