SPOILER ALERT: JENN DIED

After a whole year of somewhat sporadic dedication, I have finally concluded my experience in the creek- Dawson’s Creek to be specific.  Some of you will have noticed that I plopped Dawson on The Guilty Pages last week because even as I found myself once again engrossed in the politically correct/ social boundary hopping/ over-vocabularized teen-soap, I had to giggle at my ridiculously genuine enjoyment of such a craptastic production.

The people over at Dawson’s Creek (let’s call it DC) did their best to pull an emotional roller coaster of a series finale- which jumped into the future 5 years.  Let me tell you what kind of life altering changes can happen to college freshmen in 5 years:

Jack; our resident out-and-proud, jock-who-don’t-spell-good managed to pull it together and land a teaching gig AT THE HIGH SCHOOL HE ONCE ATTENDED (because folks, this happens all the time in RL).  We see him as a dynamic instructor, coaching his students on poetry- the medium that yanked him out of the closet when we first met him back in season 2.  OH, THE SIMPLE IRONY: it’s beautiful.  I, for one, am just glad that somehow this college drop out kid who never once showed a passion for any sort of academia managed to flip a 180 and settle into a career that will define the next 40 years of his existence.  What was even more unexpected (not) was that Jack managed to win the heart of- drumroll please… Doug Witter, who our favourite Pacey Witter tormented in practically EVERY episode about possibly being in the closet.

In five years, Joey managed to transform herself from a student sans major, sans any sort of internship experience (waitressing doesn’t count people) to one of Manhattan’s top paid editors, living in a high rising penthouse.  Little Joey came a LONG way.  Oddly enough, her hair style did NOT change.  Her love triangle predicament ALSO did not change, despite the fact that she is now living with one of the most attractive extra’s TV has ever offered (hello Elton from CLUELESS).

Dawson; an emotionally unstable, fashionably incapable, awkward in every way, uneducated drop-out apparently walks amongst Hollywood’s finest and is the brains behind a show just like THE ONE WE ARE WATCHING (it’s all very Donnie Darko).  Despite the fact that he obviously has game what with the fact that he’s the youngest executive producer in town and still has his flowy locks of golden hair, we find him on the edge of the SAME dilemma he has faced since season 1, episode 1: Do I love Joey or cargo pants more??

Grams: well she’s still alive which is an accomplishment in and of itself seeing as I have been worried EVERY SINGLE EPISODE that she could drop dead at any second.  As such, the writers of the final episode saw it fit to simply have “still alive” as her 5 year accomplishment.

Pacey has already had so many accomplishments.  Remember when he built a boat and sailed around the world?  How about the time that he scored with his teacher at age 15?  What about the time the rookie outshone every single qualified chef working under Boston’s most notorious Chef at Boston’s swankiest restaurant?  OH what about the time he was the most successful stock broker in a leading firm with no experience whatsoever? (all he had to do was grow a goatee).  WELL strangely enough, five years down the road, young Pacey OWNS Capeside’s most successful business- and he did it all without any pretend facial hair.

Jenn shows up to the reunion with a kid (we’ve all been waiting for that one since she stepped out of that yellow taxi cab in episode 1).  Lucky for us, in 5 years Jenn has learned to leave her hair alone so that it doesn’t look like this:  

UNLUCKY for us– PLOT TWIST- Grams ISN’T the one we have all been expecting to cork it- and instead we learn that Jenn is moments away from death.  Cue the emotional manipulation- Michelle Williams prepping for many an oscar nomination, lines like “spend a lot of time at the ocean” (really- that was her inspirational message from beyond the grave to her daughter), LOTS of “dying” make-up, etc.

SO, I think we’ve all learned that a LOT can change in 5 years.  Shoot for the stars, my young friends!  Here’s my top 10 DC appreciations besides those listed on The Guilty Pages:

10. The moment Dawson’s parents decided to call their daughter LILLY LEERY.  Lilly Leery. lillyleerylillyleerylillyleerylillyleerylillyleery.  I can’t even TYPE that.

9. The fact that Grams decides to move to Boston with all of the young’uns… and they are OK WITH IT.

8. Mrs. Leery’s fingernails- they are ALWAYS freshly fake- at all times.  And they are the long kind that tip tap over EVERYTHING.  Why would a seafood business owner with a brand new baby- who is supposedly not even leaving her bedroom for weeks after her husband passes away- have perfectly pressed nails?  WHAT is she hiding underneath them???

7. THE FLASH, aka, Mr. Leery.  Way to go, casting a completely buff grecian god of a man as nerd-face’s father.  Methinks fake-nails has some explaining to do, because THIS cannot be the father of the socks ‘n sandles Dawson

6. The wall.  He couldn’t have just said that?  I feel like if you are going to buy a friggin’ WALL, write something epic on it- get some poetry tips from Jack or something!  Instead, we see the most pathetic scrawl that isn’t even misspelled.  Come on writers! You’re supposed to make us pity Pacey!!

5. The fact that NOBODY even TRIED to stop two 15 year olds (who are dating against the wishes of their best friends) from spending a whole summer alone sailing around in an old boat.  In the middle of the ocean.  Sans food and money.  Also the fact that Joey and Pacey returned from this summer ALIVE, healthy looking and apparently not pregnant.

4. The fact that Pacey, Joey, and Dawson all get down and jiggy with teachers, mentors and/or oldies and Jenn does not- even though she is supposed to be the frisky one.

3. The opening credits from season 1 and 2, suring which it is impossible to not sing along, “ahdonwannawaaaayyyyfurraahhhhlaaavvvvssss to be overrrrr”

2. Joey singing “On My Own” as she competes in a beauty pageant.  Of course the undertones of truth hit Dawson in the gut– while her babynasalvoice hits the rest of us in the eardrums, bleeding, eventual death:

1. Dawson breaking down into tears.  This is officially a teen DRAMA folks, and Dawson sure knows how to bring it:

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One comment

  1. Just wanted to say you have a great site and thanks for posting!…
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