JADE? ALEXANDERRRR

Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeroes insisted on playing a free concert for me last night in Salt Lake City.  OK, OK, I said, and ventured down there with Haili, Melissa, Jordan, Kip, Steve, and some other hipsters I didn’t get to really know.  I knew I wouldn’t have to care too much about my appearance, so I opted for a plaid shirt and BOBS.  That was about as rural-scene as I could stretch it- but I soon realized that I looked like the poster version of a small town lesbian.  I spent most of my evening trying to fend off the advances of a rather high, rather bosom-y lady with crazy eyes who was keen on grinding with my awkward plaid-ed self.  I have a pretty high tolerance for sardine style concert-ing, but when she began trying to pull me down to the ground to have her way with me, I finally turned around and gave her “the look,” to which she responded “oh… can I jump on you?”

“Not even a little bit, girlfriend,” (yeah I “girlfriended” her).  Then she ACTUALLY batted her bloodshot eyes,

“Come on… It’ll be fun,” spoken like a real serpent-in-the-garden. 

Besides this unexpected interlude, the concert was pretty good.  The Magnetic Zeroes have a way of coming across as really genuine, despite a full checklist of poserish traits.  Here’s the spectacular Alexander (who really knows how to love a crowd):

Ironically enough, the girl from the opening band was wearing the same thing.

And here I am with the girls:

I have a pretty large FACE.  Really- proportionally, something is not right.

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3 comments

  1. Alastair McKee · · Reply

    you dressed like a lesbian, she wanted her way with you, and yet you still call her girlfriend…

    1. It was a demeaning “girlfriend” which, coupled with my tone, suggested that I was referencing her apparent lesbianness and my complete lack thereof.

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